Broke-lyn

the splendors of living in new york city.

Although 2013 began to a pretty somber tone, it seems like this year might actually end relatively well.

Although I’m super stressed about money at the moment (what else is new, and I think it’s literally making me gray, I’ve found SIX gray hairs) I am feeling pretty optimistic. And for all who know me, you probably just gasped and said to yourself “Leanne? Optimistic? SINCE WHEN?!” Well let me tell you! This year since I’m finally turning 24 I am FINALLY eligible to be listed as an independent for school which means my FAFSA is no longer based off of my parents income which means I FINALLY get financial aid. I filled out the FAFSA the other day and I’m eligible for a pell grant that should cover almost all of my tuition. I cannot tell you how relieved and happy I am to have seen those two words: pell grant. Which might as well mean NO MORE LOANS. I have been eagerly waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Because as most of you who know me know that I’ve been on a hiatus from school because well….I can’t afford it and I REFUSE to take out more school loans. REFUSE.

So now, I’m in New York. I’m eligible for in-state tuition. I’m eligible for a PELL GRANT (still amazing to see those words) and I’m so ready and excited to get back. Watching everyone graduate from college and start exciting careers has been reallly hard to watch and made me feel like such a slacker that I’m so behind but recently I’ve decided to stop feeling shameful about it because that doesn’t help anything and just get focused to get it all done! And to be honest, I just wasn’t the person who knew what to go to college for at 18. I just wasn’t ready and I’ve decided that I’m totally okay with that. I’m not even really sure now but now at least it’s not putting me in the hole $15-$20k every year to “not know.”

Oh and I think going through hard times really proves whether two people should be together or not and I have to say I still think Matthew and I are pretty great.

My new thing is also writing reviews on Yelp.

Happy 2013, I hope everyone is as optimistic about this year as I am for a change!

Well as Christmas is approaching yet again I can’t seem to fathom how incredibly fast this past year has gone. I know I’ve stayed relatively busy with work but it just seems to have gone by faster than usual. Which means that mine and Matt’s 2 year anniversary is coming up! This Sunday to be exact. He always teases me but I like to reminisce about the early days quite often. “Remember when we drove around Dayton when we first started dating and you sang that song to me?” “Remember when the only time we saw each other was when we could FaceTime and how that seems like SO long ago but at the time it felt like it would always be that way?” etc. and just yesterday I was thinking how much I still enjoy spending time with him. We only really get one day a week to spend time with each other because of our differing schedules and yesterday was nothing special in particular we just did some shopping for a new tv and a new toilet seat (weird, I know) and wandered around Ikea and I still had such a great time. I think it has a lot to do with not expecting too much out of your partner. You have to accept them how they are or else you will be continually disappointed.

For example, I’ll be honest, Matt isn’t the most romantic of guys. He’s not really one to surprise me with flowers every week or anything like that and I have to accept that. I have learned to appreciate him for how he is and have realized that even though he doesn’t do big things for me every now and then he does amazing little things for me everyday like make dinner when I’ve had a long day or meet me at the subway every night that I work so I don’t have to walk home alone or wake up with the cat at 6am when he’s causing a ruckus. Those things mean so much more to me than flowers which die and then are a pain to throw away and clean up.

Matt and I are celebrating our anniversary/Christmas with a little “stay-cation.” We’re staying at a hotel in the financial district from the 24-26. The plan is to simply relax. We have nothing planned besides eating good food and drinking good wine for two whole days. And maybe seeing a movie. And let me tell you, even though it’s only two days it will be amazing. Recently my days off more than one day at a time have been filled with travelling and while I loved seeing our families it’s not the most relaxing of ways to spend a weekend.

Although it’s almost a year off I’m excited to finally get back in school. I will FINALLY be 24 and considered financially independent and hopefully be eligible for more financial aid than I am currently which is pretty much nothing. Luckily, NYC has a really great network of state schools (2 year & 4 year) that are awesome and SO affordable. Why every state doesn’t have something like this I don’t know. The only problem is that of course I still have no idea what to actually go to school for. However, putting it off more will not help. Most would say it’s a waste of time if you don’t know what to study but I would have to disagree. After not being in school for a little while now I can tell you that you don’t find inspiration for what to study at your crappy hourly job any more so than in class. Might as well take classes and feel out the different subjects.

And I am more so than ever fed up with my job but I’m so sick of work I can’t even talk about it on here. I refuse to waste anymore of my energy even thinking about it.

The things I think the most

flamingosandmustard:

  • I don’t want to get up
  • I wish there was a way to buy wine without having to talk to a human

I wish everyone that came into my wine shop didn’t want to talk to me, my life would be much easier! My favorite customers are the ones who ignore me.

(Source: alllthebaconandeggs)

This past week has been a really good one. As I was saying in my last post, my new job is going very well and for some reason I find myself in a much better mood than weeks past. I was finding myself in a pretty bad mood the past month and I know it was mainly because of my old job but I found myself really hating people. I know that sounds bad but working retail/customer service was really wearing me down. I found myself so annoyed by every person I came across. Not just in the wine shop either, everyone, whether it was at work or on the street. The people on the subway annoyed me, walking down the street annoyed me, didn’t matter. I hated everyone. I think I was just in a rut for a little bit and was really sick of listening to people complain at the other wine shop. When people are rude to you all day it really puts you in a bad mood. When I get in moods like this I always end up saying “I hate New York! I’m sick of the crazies! I’m sick of walking everywhere when it’s hot outside! I’m sick of the trashy people on the subway I always have to deal with!” This always happens, I say I hate New York for a week or two but then I eventually get over my funk and realize that I do not in fact hate New York.

While I’m on the subject of New York I want to bring up another thing that has been on mind: feeling like I’m living a fulfilling life. I know it’s cheesy and I do realize that that is pretty much life’s ultimate question so it can’t really be fully answered but I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. I think another reason I was in a rut is because I’ve been feeling like all I do is go to work and then go home and that’s all. I usually don’t get home from work until 10pm and have to leave around 10:30am and I work on the weekends almost always so it’s hard to find time to do things. Matt’s schedule is the complete opposite (Mon-Fri 9-6) so by the time I get home he’s ready to go to bed and we haven’t had a whole day off together in a while. I can’t get a whole lot done before I go to work so that leaves everything to my days off which are almost never in a row. So it’s easy for me to get in a rut where I feel like I’m not doing anything or seeing anything besides work and home (and my home is not big by any means so I get a little bit of cabin fever). So the questions is: how do I change this?

Matt and I took a walk through Crown Heights yesterday down to the street that is very predominantly Hassidic Jewish and we realized that 1) the bakeries there are amazing and 2) people who are religious have the chance to become apart of a bigger community which enables them to more easily make friends and have activities/events to go to. Finding a community is almost impossible in New York City. I’m not in school anymore and I almost always work by myself so where else do I turn? I can never get Matt to go to things with me and trying to attend something when you don’t know anyone and you’re by yourself is probably the most daunting thing I could ever do.

Well, one thing I’ve decided to do is volunteer with the Parks Organization here in the city. I would just be a greeter or whatnot, just telling people where to find stuff but I figured it would force me to get outside and let me feel like I’m helping in some way. And it’s only four hours a week so why not?

It’s amazing to me how many aspects of life have to line up for people to be considered happy. Well I guess everyones happiness is different but still. For once in my life I’m not that worried about paying my bills, I have an amazing boyfriend that goes above and beyond for me, I have a cat that is as cute as can be, I live in an amazing city, life is pretty good. I also have lots of great friends but almost none of them live where I do so it’s hard. I just don’t want to feel like the only thing I leave my house for is work. Blehh.

I guess I just need a hobby. But how do you just find a hobby without having something that you enjoy in mind already?

Alright so today was my first solo day at the NEW wine shop and I have one thing to say, well actually a bunch of things but one MAJOR thing: I HATE BEING NEW AT A JOB. I really like it here but man being new is just plain awkward. My whole day consisted of kind of knowing how to do things but not really and walking through the store not knowing anyone and no one knowing I even work there. I just want to fast forward a few months so this new awkwardness is over.

Let me start off by saying that I REALLY like this new job. It is a million times better than my last gig. They actually pay me on time, I eat for free while I’m at work (which is awesome because the food is very good and it saves me mucho dinero), everyone who does know me is very nice and I don’t have an anxiety attack everytime someone comes in because I know we’ll actually have wine to sell. Also, my new boss is the bee’s knees. She is SO nice, very helpful and hilarious. I hate being new and not knowing how to do things and having to ask how to do even the simplest procedures but she has been super awesome about it so it’s working out great. And for the record I think I’m picking up things pretty fast so if she did complain that I’m asking too many questions I would tell her to SUCK IT.

However, there are a couple things I’m getting used to. At my old job I pretty much could do WHATEVER I wanted at anytime as long as I wasn’t abusing the freedom. Which meant I could close up for a minute to go to the bathroom whenever I wanted and as many times as I wanted throughout the day or run to the bodega across the street, which was nice. As some of you may have seen on my facebook I was also able to pretty much sit back and have a glass of wine whenever I wanted. I had A LOT of freedom and now that’s OVER. I am definitely in more of a “corporate” feeling place so I’m learning to adjust. No more drinking on the job, no more trolling the internet for hours and spending my time as I please. Now, don’t get me wrong I still have a little bit of freedom to pass time as I please but not nearly as much.

Wow as I’m typing and reading this I’m realizing how spoiled I sound complaining about not being able to drink on the job. Or maybe not spoiled but “alcoholic” comes to mind. Don’t worry people it wasn’t ALL play and no work. But you have to remember that there’s not a whole lot to do in a wine shop when there isn’t anyone coming into the store. I can only organize the shelves and dust bottles for so long. If it’s slow there is quite literally nothing for me to do. So having nothing to do plus not being able to feel relaxed and read or whatnot is definitely something to get used to (btw I’m typing this at work so I obviously can do SOME stuff).

Oh and my main complaint, the main thing on my mind which prompted me to write this post: I have to page the manager from the market next door (that’s affiliated with the wine shop) and have them watch the shop for me so I can use the restroom. There is no restroom in the actual wine shop, I have to go through the market and into the restaurant next door (also affiliated or else that would be REALLY WEIRD) and use their bathroom. This is the one thing I’ve found the most weird. For instance, as I already said this is my first solo day. My shift was from 10am to 9pm. 11 hours. I still feel weird paging people over the intercom because the entire market can hear me and I still don’t know the managers that well so I feel like I’m being pretty annoying asking them to watch the shop for me. Plus, the managers are SO busy. Someone is calling or paging them like once a minute, no joke. I know it’s probably not a big deal (Matt’s been telling me this all day) but it’s still very awkward for me. Just something else to get used to I guess. Anytime I needed to go to the bathroom I just found something else I needed to leave to do (bring cardboard down to the “dungeon” as I call it, or make barcodes) so I didn’t just have to say “Hey Mike, can you come here for a minute I really have to pee!” Oh and I got pretty lucky once and the restaurant manager specifically came over (without me asking) to relieve me for a minute so I could go to the bathroom and get food, which I thought was very nice of him.

SO all in all it’s working out great, with only a FEW very MINOR complaints. I mean the benefits COMPLETELY outweigh the negatives so I’m happy!

He loved her, he loved her, and until he’d loved her she had never minded being alone.

Truman Capote; “Summer Crossing”  (via seabois)

(via lifeinpoetry)